I hate and love this life.

I hate it because..
I get more lonely this time than I was ever before.
I can't show what how truly feel even to those close to my heart.
I have to act more frequently and deny myself for so many times.
I don't have the kind of friends I could hang out with all the time.
I have never experienced loving someone romantically and being loved back in return.
For the longest time, I never felt like I have achieved anything, I have never received recognition
I don't get to socialize with people that much
I'm so caught in between I feel like my life is a mess
I feel like I have no life at all
Life is freakin boring, unlike before--i want to be who I was but I'm happy for who I am damn contradiction.
I need to achieve things and I don't feel like I get to achieve much.
I need to talk and meet people and socialize men I'm totally missing a lot.
I feel to much pressure from my parents wanting me to put up a new business for them.
I'm just frustrated with life itself I never felt like this before.