Love Everyone

especially the ones who envy
spoil them with love
swallow your pride and serve
this is the rule of life

What is Real

the beautiful people you meet
the old friends you came back for
the family you have beside you

none of the above
when all things revolve around you
and you find so much excuse

everyone is real in one way and another
it's just the matter of your perspective
the way you see people
the way you treat them

all of the above
all the people you meet has something in them
a spirit of sainty
a hope for love

And the pain you feel is a different kind of pain.

One moment a bliss
One second it vanishes
I try to recuperate
Do various things, to keep this pain away.

The reason above I do not know
concealment of possible excuse
I'm afraid to admit
All I know is, it all boils down to fear.

The unknown is always beside me
keeping me alive, always wary of the present
and I am thankful for
the beautiful uncertain

I hate and love this life.

I hate it because..
I get more lonely this time than I was ever before.
I can't show what how truly feel even to those close to my heart.
I have to act more frequently and deny myself for so many times.
I don't have the kind of friends I could hang out with all the time.
I have never experienced loving someone romantically and being loved back in return.
For the longest time, I never felt like I have achieved anything, I have never received recognition
I don't get to socialize with people that much
I'm so caught in between I feel like my life is a mess
I feel like I have no life at all
Life is freakin boring, unlike before--i want to be who I was but I'm happy for who I am damn contradiction.
I need to achieve things and I don't feel like I get to achieve much.
I need to talk and meet people and socialize men I'm totally missing a lot.
I feel to much pressure from my parents wanting me to put up a new business for them.
I'm just frustrated with life itself I never felt like this before.

I Share Them Only Unto You

My mind is unpredictable. It is full of coincidence how i wish i could vomit-full of vehemence. It is completely paranoid- and the only solution left for me is to avoid, to disappear or maybe to hide myself from all these. I try to explain myself so many a time, and all I can ever come up with is this force from above. Thank you..

If I connect myself to you all the time, kindly control me- that I may be able to seem normal yet inexplicably great in so many selections, just like my brother.

Some drops pass me by, as I realize how much goodness I receive from my brother. I just don't know how much I can thank him for all he has done for me.. I don't know where to start, it seems like nothing is enough.

Another Scratch Through the Fire

As I assure myself of decision, one second an unexpected friend swoons me by. . Scratches my heart , once again I bare the hurt, I imagine optimism. I raise the bar from certain idiosyncrasies. All the more I stick to them. How I wish I should have sticked unto them. This hurt is intolerable. The one wish I never expect to happen again..but it keeps happening, and it scratches me all over.

Even to those you do not care about, they simply hurt.. I don't know why. They hinder you from your direction, they block you from your attention. May I get the reason, the excuse I need to hear.. May I lessen my sensitivity and return to such cold feelings..if that shall cure the scratches hurting me once again, right now. If that shall heal and combat the blocks hindering me from moving and meeting elevation.

Speak not for now I say to myself. Temporary sacrifice, and save yourself. Humiliation there is, lesser maybe, probably false mediocracy. Keep me sacrificing, add some more patience within me, this I cry..

Polish me, and make me an expert in these divine creative movements. Make me a master of moves, genius in words, inexplicably spectacular arranged in a multitude of powers. Perfect in the eyes of men where God only knows my true identity.. make me a mystery..

Nobody Knows

How am I inside.. a flashback of events triggers my condition. A tear willing to be gushed out, to release the pain, and to believe by myself once again. Nobody knows. How I push myself, how I bare the challenges.. I hide something nobody knows.

I am not who you think I am..less some one out there thinks differently. I never am the one you call me to be. I never will.. I don't like to be called this way. Let's keep the part a secret. How I wish I could do that.. How I wish I could ever do that.. But who shall I be, torn?.. totally divided..

How can I be two opposite things. Seems crazy, but I am.. Insanity might kill me some day. I take back, I don't want to be involved in morbid things. But heck I am two opposite things, anthropomorphic and misanthropic.

Let's start with the latter. I guess I've been this way eversince I entered Panema. I've been crazy eversince I entered that place.. totally crazy. I remember how I sleep when the clock strikes 8. and I awake at the wee hours of the morning, either 2,3 or even 4. I know now that it isn't only me working that time. Getting back to misanthropy, I realize how I've been raised differently. Too different I call myself in between what's in between. Sounds redundant isn't it.. but that's the way it is, that's how it should be some times. Things need to be repeated over and over. . I analyze too much.. that may be my problem. That may be the cause of me being a misanthrope -but for some times. I am hopeful that things change.

Anthropomorphic as I was and I should be, just giving out fresh buzz everywhere, from anyone nobody cares who, your status,age, sex, religion whatsoever. Let's just talk about things and how you see them. Let's talk about plans, dreams and unusual things. Let's keep on talking with no hesitation. Not minding connection, not minding position. Helping people, inspiring them and giving wistful advice. Might be mistaken as a psychologist, guidance counselor now I don't care.. i just laugh all the way. I request to take this back.. this part of me I miss so much..

So I get back to reality. That Nobody knows my true identity. I hide so much even to my own blood. I can't blame myself for this, though I try to explain.. things aren't this easy to explain nor even easy to comprehend.. given the facts.. relying unto the uncertain and the unseen. let's just go beyond everything that's given.. kick some luck, kiss some tragedy..cuz nobody knows.