Nobody Knows

How am I inside.. a flashback of events triggers my condition. A tear willing to be gushed out, to release the pain, and to believe by myself once again. Nobody knows. How I push myself, how I bare the challenges.. I hide something nobody knows.

I am not who you think I am..less some one out there thinks differently. I never am the one you call me to be. I never will.. I don't like to be called this way. Let's keep the part a secret. How I wish I could do that.. How I wish I could ever do that.. But who shall I be, torn?.. totally divided..

How can I be two opposite things. Seems crazy, but I am.. Insanity might kill me some day. I take back, I don't want to be involved in morbid things. But heck I am two opposite things, anthropomorphic and misanthropic.

Let's start with the latter. I guess I've been this way eversince I entered Panema. I've been crazy eversince I entered that place.. totally crazy. I remember how I sleep when the clock strikes 8. and I awake at the wee hours of the morning, either 2,3 or even 4. I know now that it isn't only me working that time. Getting back to misanthropy, I realize how I've been raised differently. Too different I call myself in between what's in between. Sounds redundant isn't it.. but that's the way it is, that's how it should be some times. Things need to be repeated over and over. . I analyze too much.. that may be my problem. That may be the cause of me being a misanthrope -but for some times. I am hopeful that things change.

Anthropomorphic as I was and I should be, just giving out fresh buzz everywhere, from anyone nobody cares who, your status,age, sex, religion whatsoever. Let's just talk about things and how you see them. Let's talk about plans, dreams and unusual things. Let's keep on talking with no hesitation. Not minding connection, not minding position. Helping people, inspiring them and giving wistful advice. Might be mistaken as a psychologist, guidance counselor now I don't care.. i just laugh all the way. I request to take this back.. this part of me I miss so much..

So I get back to reality. That Nobody knows my true identity. I hide so much even to my own blood. I can't blame myself for this, though I try to explain.. things aren't this easy to explain nor even easy to comprehend.. given the facts.. relying unto the uncertain and the unseen. let's just go beyond everything that's given.. kick some luck, kiss some tragedy..cuz nobody knows.